Sunday, September 04, 2005

Dahil Wala Akong Makausap At Sinisipag Akong Mag-blog

First time ko'ng mag-overnight sa bahay ng kaibigan last Friday night. Pero sana talaga hindi trabaho 'yung ginawa namin sa first overnight ko. Hay.

Halos wala kaming tulog sa paggawa ng chapter 1 & 2 ng thesis proposal namin. Deadline was yesterday at noon. Kumaripas kami from Corinthian Gardens dahil 11:30AM na namin natapos 'yung paper. May mali pa nga sa printing pero we didn't realize it until we were already in White Plains. Kebs.

Buti na lang din Cha was able to help us with some of the questions we had about our thesis. She was our adviser-on-call, although when we tried calling her at around 6AM she was obviously fast asleep from watching An Affair to Remember for 4 straight times. (Malala ka na, bakla! hahaha)

We were running on chips, gum, chocolates, and Coke. I think the Coke worked on Hazel because she was the one up all night until she decided to sleep at 6-8AM. As for me & 3cia, we had several power naps throughout the evening. I still can't believe I fell asleep on the computer chair. It was pretty comfortable, I must say. hahaha

When we got to Ateneo, we went straight to CORD, where our thesis adviser's office was. When we got there, we were told that our teacher left for the Psy Dept that morning & had a messenger deliver all the submitted thesis proposals there just a few seconds before we got there. Yes, we saw the messenger outside the CORD building when we got off the car. hahaha

Since 3cia & I had a lot of bags with us from the overnight, Hazel rushed to the department & submitted the paper. 3cia & I slumped ourselves on a bench in the SS Foyer & waited for Cha's reply if she wanted to have lunch with us, since she said she wanted some company that day, plus we owed her for all the help she's given us. We decided to order pizzas & had it delivered to the Foyer. We were just too darn tired to move. I was feeling lightheaded & had a heavy feeling on my chest, probably caused by my lack of sleep.

When the pizza came, Cha was already there with us, plus Jose who was with her. We talked, shared some laughs, & got really full. 3cia & I finished our share of the pizza while Cha didn't want to eat her last piece. Good thing Doc T came by & we just gave him the last piece.

We saw
Bea & Yanna coming from the Psy Dept at around past 12:30PM, I think, obviously having just passed their proposal. Bea decided to hang out with us while Yanna went on. Bea asked me if I wanted to watch "Anak Dalita" over at UP for our History bonus paper. We were both tired from doing our papers & we also had a lot of bags from our respective overnights. We decided to take a cab going to UP. We made a detour to My Place first because Bea had to drop off her contact prints. Bea told me that she was going to be fetched at UP after the movie & that I could be dropped off in Ateneo.

We got to UP on time. The movie was supposed to start at 2PM, but didn't until around 2:40PM. We spent the whole time before the movie just chit-chatting, which is something I really missed doing with her. When the film started, I was already afraid that I would doze off because of my lack of sleep, & true enough, I did fall asleep several times. I think that was the first time I slept on a movie in a movie house. Anyway, I think I was awake during the more important parts of the movie so I'm sure I could still write something about it in my paper.

Bea's mom fetched us at past 4PM & went back to Ateneo. It was raining pretty hard when we got there. Good thing I was able to ask Tin if I could hitch a ride with her going home. I got home at around 540PM, fixed my things, took a cold shower, & slept at around 6:20PM. I don't recall having been called to dinner that evening but I didnt' wake up until 1:20AM. I felt pretty much rested but I decided to stay in bed & didn't get up until 8AM.

Yes, I could've done something productive at 1:20AM like finish reading Utilitarianism for Philo, or the Personality Disorders chapter for Abnormal Psy, or I could've gone online to write this blog entry, or written at least one of the 4 papers I'm supposed to submit within the month, or do some long overdue org work. I could've done all that but didn't. Why? I don't want to say I was just lazy (which is probably the best answer) or tired (I just had a good night's sleep). I think I just didn't like the loneliness of the evening.

Anyway, the funny & frustrating part about Friday night was that some friends of ours had a sleepover, got themselves drunk & just had fun while we were slaving over our paper. Yes, nainggit ako. And I don't think I've really had any fun in a long time. Sure, I get to have my dose of laughter every now & then from being with friends, but actual fun is something almost alien to me now.

It's been a long time since I felt peace within me. Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever felt peace within me. There's always something to worry about, something to be angry about, something to be sad about. Maybe it's impossible for a person to find absolute peace within himself until he actually dies. (Don't worry, I won't kill myself over this. hahaha) I think the closest any person would ever get to inner peace is the feeling of relief, which is sadly, fleeting. Still, I am thankful for the fleeting feeling of relief, because its absence teaches me how to hope.

Parang ayaw ko nang mag-type. I think I'm going to go back upstairs & watch a movie with my brother. To hell with the things I have to do. Mamaya na.

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