Wednesday, July 27, 2005


My Friendster Horoscope for today:
A loved one you've been thinking about fondly for some time has finally come around -- at least, it seems that way. There are several roadblocks in their way, however, many of which won't move aside easily. The hard part will be your urge to clear their way without enlisting any help at all from them. The harder part will be the absolute necessity of your letting go so that they can make this happen alone -- which is what will really count.
Surprisingly, I have a new crush. Yes, my stalkee finally has competition. Haha! Then again, my horoscope might be referring to my stalkee. Has he finally come around? (Rhett Miller's "Come Around" crooning in the background) Drama!

Just for the record: Hindi ko mahal si stalkee. Eye candy lamang s'ya. Nyahaha! Pero in fur-ness, I began to like him because he's really nice, has a sense of humor, very passionate, God-fearing... hay. Drool drool drool.

My new crush, on the other hand... well, let's just say I have a track record of being attracted to men I can't have. So let's just leave it at that. Sana hindi ma-develop at maging stalkee #2 ko s'ya or worse: mahalin ko s'ya. Deym.

Kakaiba. Sobrang conscious ang paghahanap ko ng boylet ngayon. Feeling ko seniors' syndrome na ito. Desperada ang lola n'yo. Shyet.

Hope hope hope... is the second name of my Educ Psy teacher. (Labo mode again.)

Letting go... yes. Heto na naman tayo. Ewan ko ba. Gusto ko nang umusad, pero ang higpit pa rin ng kapit ko sa 'yo. Pero ramdam ko na mas kaya ko na ngayon. Ewan. Baka ngayon lang 'to.

Hay leche. What an incoherent entry this is.

Monday, July 25, 2005

De-stress Call

I've been called a toilet bowl by a friend because I seem to have this great capacity to take in all the sh*t in other people's lives & make them feel better after they have expelled their demons.

Never mind if I'm a mess myself. Most of the time, it's unnoticable anyway.

Even if there are a ton of things that are going through my mind, I can set them aside to accomodate another person's ramblings.

Endless rants, piercing pains, ecstatic joys, you name it, I can handle it. Never mind me. They seem to be more in need than me. Then, the inevitable happens.

Drowning in my own pool of tears, that's the end of my day.

Yes, I am a living irony. I know when somebody is in need but won't let others know that I need them.

Once again, I have fooled everyone. "Outstanding performance!" is what I say when I look in the mirror.

Underneath my smiles & laughter, a helpless little girl is curling up in a ball crying everyday.

My Friendster Horoscope for today:
The Bottom Line
You're so ahead of your time. Like a time traveler. Interesting, what you think of!

In Detail
If you're at all worried that you might say or do something to offend someone, especially if you're pretty darned sure about who it is and what the situation might be, take someone along for the ride who's equipped to mediate in situations such as this. You know who to ask -- because you've probably had to call on them in the past for just such a reason. Remember, too, that it's not you they'll be watching out for. It's anyone who gets in your way or challenges your opinions.
'Di ko alam kung anong mas masakit, kung hindi ka na kailangan ng mahal mo o kung hindi malaman ng mahal mo na kailangan mo s'ya.

Ewan. Basta masakit.

Got this from Av's blog:

How to show girls you love them...

1. Tell her she is beautiful, not hot.

2. Hold her hand at any moment even if it's just for a second.

3. Kiss her on the forehead.

4. Leave her voice messages to wake up to.

5. Always tell her how beautiful she is, no matter what she's wearing.

6. When she is upset, hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you.

7. Recognize the small things . . . THEY USUALLY MEAN THE MOST!

8. Call her baby.

9. Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.

10. Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.

11. Write her notes, she loves them.

12. Introduce her to family and friends as your girlfriend.

13. Play with her hair.

14. Pick her up, tickle her and play-wrestle with her.

15. Sit in the park and just talk to her.

16. Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes.

17. Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night just because you missed her.

18. Let her fall asleep in your arms.

19. Carve your names into a tree.

20. If she's mad at you, apologize because SHE is always right.


22. Bring her flowers.

23. Treat her the same around your friends as you do when you're alone.

24. Look her in the eyes and smile.

25. Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.

26. Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing.

Kiss her in the rain.

28. If your in love with her . . . TELL HER.

December awaits me.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

This Problematic of Mine (Labo)

A good friend told me yesterday:

Grabe Jinky, ang galing mo talaga. Lahat ng tao naibubuhos sa iyo ang problema nila, tapos you never fail to make us feel better.

For some reason, it's easier to solve a problem when it's not yours. It's the subjective aspect, I guess, that makes it difficult for us to solve our own problems. Notice, that when you attempt to deal with your own problems, more often than not, you feel helpless & can't seem to find a solution or at least some relief.

However, it's another thing altogether if you MAKE your own problems, or make something your own problem when it shouldn't be in the first place. (Did that make sense?) Like another good friend told me early yesterday evening:

'Yun kasi mahirap sa atin. Feeling natin we're to be blamed for everything. Pinapasan natin lahat ng problema.

Ok, ok. Guilty as charged.

My Friendster Horoscope for today:

You're not cold and impersonal, and you're probably quite tired of reading that astrological description of your sign. The truth is, you're just picky, and there's certainly nothing wrong with that. Once you find someone who measures up to your standards -- that is, someone who's entertaining, independent and intelligent -- you can be quite devoted. Someone who answers just that description may be along shortly. If you're already attached, prepare for a brand new best friend.

I'd like to believe I've found this person. But the question is, was he looking for me, too?

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Hoping for Love

My Friendster Horoscope for today:
A certain someone you spend an awful lot of time with is about to let you know that every minute you've invested has and will be well spent. You're set up to learn the depth and breadth of a loved one's feelings, and even if you're single, there's no way you'll miss the enormity of those same emotions coming to you via the casual utterances and behavior of someone you had no idea was as fond of you as they really are.
Well, the day's almost over. Nothing's happened. But I've got to admit, it's nice to hope.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Buhos na, Ulan, at Lunurin Akong Tuluyan

It's been a loooong while since I poured in my thoughts here. I'm not really sure what's been happening to me. I feel that there's something in me that's going through a change, and that I've been afraid to face that fact for the longest time. I don't know what change is happening exactly. All I know is, I feel scared. Could this be just a case of Seniors Syndrome? Maybe. Maybe not...

On a lighter note, there's so much that has happened for the past couple of months...

Early last April, I attended the COA Formation Seminar where I got to meet the representatives of the different student organizations. I wasn't supposed to be there but I don't regret ever going. I learned so much from my fellow leaders. I made new friends, had a lot of laughs, shared a lot of insights. I was so inspired with the passion & dedication of the other org representatives (majority were the presidents). One of the most wonderful things I was enlightened about was the diffrences of all the SOA orgs. After that experience, I gained a deep admiration for each & every SOA org's mission.

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On the last few days of May, we had the ACIL Form Sem at Ate Citas' place in Tanay, Rizal. Before we left Manila, we finished the heavy work we could have done out of town. Even if we only had less than 3 days there, we all enjoyed ourselves & made a lot of memories. It really feels good that there are people who want to work for the same goals as you do & to have them become your friends is just the best bonus. I love you ACIL peeps!

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My phone got stolen 2 weeks ago. Nothing bad happened to me, thank God. The creep just got my phone from my backpack. I guess I was just too sleepy to notice that somebody was behind me unzipping my bag. Oh well. Got a new phone. Bought it with my own money. The one that got stolen was given to me by my parents for my 20th birthday. It was a Nokia 6600, camera phone & all that. I remember that when my parents gave me that phone, I wasn't very happy because it cost too much & they didn't have to spend too much money just for a gift for me. They were offended but they eventually forgot about it. Now, I have a Nokia 2300. It has something that the 6600 doesn't have that I've always wanted in a phone: an FM Radio. It's not colored nor does it have a camera. I don't care. I want my music! hahaha Oh, by the way, thanks to Miggy for my Globe sim card!Ü

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Oh, I have this song stuck in my mental record player. It's "Alay" by Imago. I really love the wordplay. The song is for a loved one who just passed away. Sounds morbid? Not really. It's a pretty nice eulogy for me -- the type that you shed tears of joy after you hear it.
Alay by Imago

Tala kong may ngiti
Saglit lamang
May huling habilin

Sa gitna ng 'yong
Sa dako mong ihihimlay
Dalhin ang payapa't
Pangakong wagas.

May lunas pa raw
Nananamlay mong diwa
S'yang may gamay
Ng malay mong tilang,
Itong minamata
Daang tinitimbang,
Dala, tangi kong

Sa mundong kay lupit
Sadya kayang
Nilihis ka sa pait

Sa gitna ng 'yong paghihimlay
Mangako kang maghihintay
Dalhin sa paglitis
Taglay na tamis.
My Friendster Horoscope for today:

If anyone is ready for romance, it's you. And the universe agrees, too -- so much so that you've been chosen to receive one of those wonderful evenings that only come along a few times a year. Think of it as having Ed McMahon, Santa Claus and Donald Trump show up on your doorstep with cash, tickets for two to the event of your choice and a limo -- oh, and the person you'd love to share it all with.

The odds of this happening tonight: NONE.