Happy Birthday Panget!

Happy 20th Birthday
Ryan Christopher Teehankee

Thanks for all the good times, the crazy times, the weird times, the too-serious-to-be-you times, the Juicy Fruit (wala lang!) times, the profanity & obscenity lambingan times, the too-sweet-to-be-you times, etc.
Cheers to you!Ü

Tulungan mo ko'ng magdasal para sa bagong boyplen/driver para makapunta na ako sa mga birthday libre mo. Hehehe Ü

Serenade for my Object of Infatuation

True
sung by Ryan Cabrera (again. hehe thanks Mike!Ü)

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think
I don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you

I'm weak
It's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

You don't know
What you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move

I'm weak
It's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try, anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try, anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true


Kalandian! Ahihihi! ;p

Sentence

PagkatapOs Ng isaNg buONg araw
Na piNaNiNiwala mO aNg iyONg sarili
Na Nararapat lamaNg aNg NaNgyari,
Na para itO sa ikabubuti Ng lahat,
Na kaya mO'Ng umusad,
hihiga ka sa iyONg kama
Na may pagNaNasang makatulOg
NaNg mahimbiNg,
sabay sa pagbagsak
Ng iyONg mga mata
ang iyONg mga luhaNg
walaNg tigil Na papatak
haNgga't makatulOg ka Na
sa kahihikbi
at kasasambit
Ng kaNyaNg NgalaN.

Pananahimik

Ang hirap talaga nito.
Kahit anong pilit mo'ng h'wag s'yang hanap-hanapin,
Laging may ibang taong hinahanap s'ya sa 'yo.
Wala kang magawa.
Ngingiti. Tatawa.
Sasagot na parang walang nangyari.
Sasagot na parang walang tinatago.
Kung alam lang nila.
Kung alam lang nila.

Ayaw mo nang magtago.
Ayaw mo nang matago.
Gusto mo'ng ipagsigawan sa buong mundo na mahal mo s'ya.
Gusto mo'ng ipagsigawan n'ya sa buong mundo na mahal ka n'ya.

'Asa ka na lang.
'Asa ka pa.

An Ode to my Beloved

On The Way Down
sung by Ryan Cabrera

Sick and tired of this world
There's no more air
Trippin' over myself
Goin' nowhere
Waiting
Suffocating
No direction
And I took a dive

And on the way down
I saw you
And you saved me
From myself
And I won't forget the way you loved me
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held on to you

I've been wondering why
It's only me
Have you always been inside
Waiting to breathe
It's alright
Sunlight
On my face
I wake up and yeah, I'm alive

'Cause on the way down
I saw you
And you saved me
From myself
And I won't forget the way you loved me
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held on to you

I was so afraid
Of going under
But now
The weight of the world
Feels like nothing, no, nothing

You're all I wanted
You're all I needed
And I won't forget the way you loved me
All that I wanted
All that I needed

On the way down
I saw you
And you saved me
From myself
And I won't forget the way you loved me
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held on to you


You're all I wanted... You're all I needed... And more...

Refocusing

Binondo Church
20 Dec 2004, 9:21PM

The season of advent was the time for preparation. Apart from preparing myself for Christmas, I was also preparing for something else. It's something that I've been actually avoiding. Obviously, it's long overdue. What was surprising was it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. I just hope that this time it's for real.

Goodbyes aren't just endings -- they're also beginnings.

Hanggang sa muli, mahal ko...

You're not losing me... You'll always have me...

Akala Ko...

Pagkalembang ng batingaw

Aking puso'y napapahiyaw

Lumulukso sa pagdating

Ng ginaw na dala ng

Nagsisimulang araw

Magsisimbang gabi na naman ako

Kasama mo

Maririnig ko nang muli

Ang tinig mong inaawit

Ang himig ng Pasko

Sa simula ng pagdarasal ko

Ngalan mo'y agad sa puso ko

Sana nama'y idulot N'yang

Mabago ko ang mundong

Iaalay ko sa 'yo

Sa araw ng Pasko magsisimba ako

Kasama mo

At doon ko iaabot ang anumang nabago ko

Kasama 'tong aking inaawit

Ipamamalas ko ang pag-ibig na nadarama sa 'yo

Katulad ng pagmamahal

Na sanhi ng pagdiriwang

Nitong ating Pasko

O giliw ko

At sa araw na ito alalahanin mo'ng handang-handa akong

Maging kapiling mo

Kahit matapos na itong Pasko

Naalala mo pa ba, mahal, noong kantahin natin ito nakaraang Pasko? Nagtawanan pa tayo pagkatapos dahil kinanta mo 'yung dapat na parte ko. Nakaupo tayo at yakap-yakap mo ako, habang kumakanta tayong nakatingin ako sa mga mata mong maamo at hinahaplos ko ang iyong mukha.

Higit na sa isang taon ang nakalipas, mahal, 'di pa rin kita matanggal sa aking puso't isipan. Pilit kong tinatanggihan ang sarili ko sa pag-asang 'pag dumating ang panahon ay magiging akin ka nang tunay. Isa ka lamang panaginip -- maganda, masarap alalahanin, ngunit hindi totoo. Tama ang mga kaibigan ko, dapat na kitang pakawalan. Inuunti-unti ko araw-araw.

Ngunit nang tanungin kita kagabi tila ikaw ang ayaw bumitaw sa akin. 'Di ko maintindihan. Akala ko ba desidido ka na? Akala ko ba wala nang makapagbabago pa ng isip mo? Kung kailan unti-unti ko nang natatanggap ang mapait na katotohanan, saka ko ito malalaman. Ngayon hindi ka sumasagot. Wala kang imik. Tameme ka naman. 'Di mo alam paano sagutin ang mga tanong ko. Sinabi mo sa akin noon at inulit mo kagabi na takot kang mawala ako sa 'yo. Akala ko tapos na 'yan. Akala ko sabay tayong bumibitaw sa isa't isa. Bakit ka ganito ngayon? Ano'ng nangyayari sa 'yo, mahal ko...?

Mahal... Pagod na ang puso ko... Ayaw ko nang umasa... Handa na akong umusad... Takot din naman akong mawala ka pero 'di na maganda ang nangyayari sa atin... sa 'yo... Hangad ko lang naman ang kaligayahan mo, pero ngayon, 'di ko na alam kung tama ba itong ginagawa ko. Hindi ko na alam kung ano'ng dapat kong gawin... Hindi ko na alam... :(

My Perfect Day

on the road & stuck in traffic

at the Naguiat's (the couch potatoes)

i don't care about you & your muta (the morning after)

(clockwise from left) Aligs, Nanan, Patrick, Jeff, Nicolo, 3cia, Miggy, Bea

Pre-Menstrual Pre-Centennial

pic taken by Sherwin last 11 Dec 2004, ACIL Room

in this pic: Benj, Robert, Elyoo, Machoo, Ian Ken, Alex, Bea, Aligs,

Bujoy, Me-an, Patrick, Cha, Anna, Nanan, & yours truly Ü

Mary's Immaculate Conception

Miryam's Sabbath
adapted by Ann Johnson
from the book Miryam of Judah

Listen,
the shofar sounds
from the city signal the sound of the first
call.
Awake yourselves,
the day of difference is at hand.
Ignite your heart,
The shofar beckons.
The work of six days is ended.
The sabbath approaches.
Come, quickly, come.
Rest begins.

Clutching one another,
we still our minds.

How fair are your tents, O Jacob,
your dwelling place, O Israel.
Let my prayer come before you, Lord,
Hearken to me.
God, in your kindness,
answer me in truth.
(The stones are slippery
but my feet step with firmness.
The slippery stones bruise me
and I still walk secure.)

My arms ache from the weight of him,
it was just for a moment's time.
They left me alone,
holding him there,
alone for one kind moment,
his body resting, finally resting
heavy on my knees,
strange, bewildering shalom,
but time was short... the sun on its
downward course.

I watched them wrap him tenderly,
entwining his body in clean linen,
swaddled as I once swaddled his infant frame,
enwrapped as he daily wrapped himself in his shawl
of prayer,
from heaven to earth... from earth to
heaven...
born and born and born again,
light of God wrapped in flicking mystery.

They worked quickly,
wiping him only,
leaving washing till after,
closing his eyes... dabbing with myrrh,
sweet-oil soothing his brow,
the work as much as a gift for them as for
him.
God's law is kind and caring.

We didn't speak aloud,
hushed the simple prayer and blessings
soft-whispered phrases plaintive on the wind,
resonant the ancient melodies,
barely audible the sighs.
His head cradled in the resting stone,
I covered his face with a linen cloth.

I sat on the ledge beside him,
sharing his newly hewn stone,
solid stone, beneath us both.
The world stopped... finally peaceful,
scent of fresh linen and sweet-oil
overcoming the scent of wood
and nails and blood and thornspray,
sound of silence
drowning the tumult of the day.

Thought by thought I let it go,
step by step I put questioning behind me.
Nearing the Mount of Olives pool,
releasing each haunting memory,
I prepare my mind for God.

Task Force Noah

It's been a while since I last posted my thoughts on this blog. What's been keeping me? Fear of intimacy, I think. (Grabe, hanggang sa blog, takot pa rin magbukas ng sarili... Tsk. Issues.)

I've been reading some of my friends' blogs that have been filled with stories about their activities during the long weekend due to the suspension of classes. I couldn't help but notice how the past week's calamity had little impact on them for them to have had time to go out for some RnR, not that I have anything against having a good time with my friends nor am I bitter because I didn't go out & enjoyed myself in the sense that they did.

I'm just disappointed that the people I would expect to be volunteering to help the typhoon victims weren't there. I'm not condemning them for that nor am I being self-righteous about me being there. It was actually my first time to help out in relief operations. I guess I wanted to share the experience with them, they whom I always looked up to with all their passion for service.

Though the sky has cleared & the temperature's beginning to rise up again, there are still people out there with nothing left but the clothes on their skin when they left their homes to take shelter from the floods. As I watched the news during the days when the storm was at its fiercest, I couldn't help but see the despair that filled the eyes of the families that were stripped off of their homes in an instant. I could almost hear their thoughts asking, "What now? We have nothing left." The children, most of all, were the ones that concerned me the most. What will become of their futures now? As I sat in front of the TV that Thursday night, with the wind howling outside, I decided that I would do my part.

There's this saying that goes, "Everyone is called but few are chosen." But there is something lacking in this statement: the choice to answer to the call. I was definitely called. In philosophy class, we talked about metaphysical unease. I think that was it. I just HAD to get off my ass & do something.

Today, I woke up with different parts of my body aching from all the work that was done for two days. I barely had time to take pictures as remembrances of my experience in Task Force Noah but the memories will always remain alive in me. I take a little comfort in knowing that somewhere, a family is opening up a plastic bag full of goods that I helped pack that would provide them with warm stomachs & a little more hope.

It was all worth it.