Nag-"walk-out" ako sa YM (No, hindi sa Congress. haha) nung Sunday ng gabi dahil nainis ako sa isa ko'ng kaibigan. Nothing serious naman. Kung tutuusin, ang dami na naming "fights" na tulad no'n. Sabi n'ya naiintindihan n'ya ako, pero alam ko'ng hindi. Pero in all fairness to him, naiintindihan ko rin kung bakit 'di n'ya ako maintindihan. Naintindihan n'yo ba? hahaha
Hindi ko alam kung naiintindihan n'ya na kakaunti lamang ang mga talagang nakakausap ko sa tunay na nararamdaman ko, lalo na ngayon. Marahil naririndi na s'ya sa akin. 'Di ko naman s'ya masisisi. Para mailabas ko lahat, kailangang ma-verbalize ko ang mga saloobin ko. May pakiramdam na unti-unting nawawala 'yung sakit at hirap kapag nasasabi ko s'ya out loud. Minsan nga kapag hindi ko nasasabi 'yung nararamdaman ko, literal na sumasakit ang dibdib ko. Weird noh? And since kakaunti lang ang nakakausap ko tungkol sa mga drama ko sa buhay, the same people have to put up with me. Yes, you may not believe it, but I'm too much to handle.
Anyway, I think ok na kami nung friend ko. It was a momentary thing lang naman. Pero dahil doon, siguro hindi na muna ako masyado magbabahagi ng saloobin ko sa kanya. Bahala na.
It's 2:30AM. I have to be out of the house before 6:30AM. Still waiting for Hazel to finish editing the thesis proposal. Sigurado before 3:00AM I'll be in bed na. I think. I hope. Good luck na lang sa aking bangag commute to school sa umaga.
2 comments:
ate jinky.. *hug*
Just want to say I am sorry for not understanding you.
I am coming from a perspective that we your friends are here. Its not tiredness, but sometimes I feel that nothing is happening after all the things I am doing. I just want you to be happy that's all. And going back there again and again would never make you feel better.
In prayers that night I asked myself what's the point? there again, God invited me to stay with you. Now the question is, will you allow me to stay with you. That night, I realized a lot of things, even for myself. But one big realization for me is to never compare your situation with my situation. And the experience you have is different from mine.
And that prayer, God even told me "our situation": Give yourself a time to grieve. Like in any fresh wound, the pain will always be there. But after hurting comes healing and after healing comes a new hope to build our lives again. We can never be certain of our relationships because not all of them are built to last our lifetime. But we have to constantly nurture it so it can grow and we can grow old
with it.
Again, I am sorry.
Just want to say that I am always praying for you.
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