An Ode to my Beloved

On The Way Down
sung by Ryan Cabrera

Sick and tired of this world
There's no more air
Trippin' over myself
Goin' nowhere
Waiting
Suffocating
No direction
And I took a dive

And on the way down
I saw you
And you saved me
From myself
And I won't forget the way you loved me
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held on to you

I've been wondering why
It's only me
Have you always been inside
Waiting to breathe
It's alright
Sunlight
On my face
I wake up and yeah, I'm alive

'Cause on the way down
I saw you
And you saved me
From myself
And I won't forget the way you loved me
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held on to you

I was so afraid
Of going under
But now
The weight of the world
Feels like nothing, no, nothing

You're all I wanted
You're all I needed
And I won't forget the way you loved me
All that I wanted
All that I needed

On the way down
I saw you
And you saved me
From myself
And I won't forget the way you loved me
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held on to you


You're all I wanted... You're all I needed... And more...

Refocusing

Binondo Church
20 Dec 2004, 9:21PM

The season of advent was the time for preparation. Apart from preparing myself for Christmas, I was also preparing for something else. It's something that I've been actually avoiding. Obviously, it's long overdue. What was surprising was it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. I just hope that this time it's for real.

Goodbyes aren't just endings -- they're also beginnings.

Hanggang sa muli, mahal ko...

You're not losing me... You'll always have me...

Akala Ko...

Pagkalembang ng batingaw

Aking puso'y napapahiyaw

Lumulukso sa pagdating

Ng ginaw na dala ng

Nagsisimulang araw

Magsisimbang gabi na naman ako

Kasama mo

Maririnig ko nang muli

Ang tinig mong inaawit

Ang himig ng Pasko

Sa simula ng pagdarasal ko

Ngalan mo'y agad sa puso ko

Sana nama'y idulot N'yang

Mabago ko ang mundong

Iaalay ko sa 'yo

Sa araw ng Pasko magsisimba ako

Kasama mo

At doon ko iaabot ang anumang nabago ko

Kasama 'tong aking inaawit

Ipamamalas ko ang pag-ibig na nadarama sa 'yo

Katulad ng pagmamahal

Na sanhi ng pagdiriwang

Nitong ating Pasko

O giliw ko

At sa araw na ito alalahanin mo'ng handang-handa akong

Maging kapiling mo

Kahit matapos na itong Pasko

Naalala mo pa ba, mahal, noong kantahin natin ito nakaraang Pasko? Nagtawanan pa tayo pagkatapos dahil kinanta mo 'yung dapat na parte ko. Nakaupo tayo at yakap-yakap mo ako, habang kumakanta tayong nakatingin ako sa mga mata mong maamo at hinahaplos ko ang iyong mukha.

Higit na sa isang taon ang nakalipas, mahal, 'di pa rin kita matanggal sa aking puso't isipan. Pilit kong tinatanggihan ang sarili ko sa pag-asang 'pag dumating ang panahon ay magiging akin ka nang tunay. Isa ka lamang panaginip -- maganda, masarap alalahanin, ngunit hindi totoo. Tama ang mga kaibigan ko, dapat na kitang pakawalan. Inuunti-unti ko araw-araw.

Ngunit nang tanungin kita kagabi tila ikaw ang ayaw bumitaw sa akin. 'Di ko maintindihan. Akala ko ba desidido ka na? Akala ko ba wala nang makapagbabago pa ng isip mo? Kung kailan unti-unti ko nang natatanggap ang mapait na katotohanan, saka ko ito malalaman. Ngayon hindi ka sumasagot. Wala kang imik. Tameme ka naman. 'Di mo alam paano sagutin ang mga tanong ko. Sinabi mo sa akin noon at inulit mo kagabi na takot kang mawala ako sa 'yo. Akala ko tapos na 'yan. Akala ko sabay tayong bumibitaw sa isa't isa. Bakit ka ganito ngayon? Ano'ng nangyayari sa 'yo, mahal ko...?

Mahal... Pagod na ang puso ko... Ayaw ko nang umasa... Handa na akong umusad... Takot din naman akong mawala ka pero 'di na maganda ang nangyayari sa atin... sa 'yo... Hangad ko lang naman ang kaligayahan mo, pero ngayon, 'di ko na alam kung tama ba itong ginagawa ko. Hindi ko na alam kung ano'ng dapat kong gawin... Hindi ko na alam... :(

My Perfect Day

on the road & stuck in traffic

at the Naguiat's (the couch potatoes)

i don't care about you & your muta (the morning after)

(clockwise from left) Aligs, Nanan, Patrick, Jeff, Nicolo, 3cia, Miggy, Bea

Pre-Menstrual Pre-Centennial

pic taken by Sherwin last 11 Dec 2004, ACIL Room

in this pic: Benj, Robert, Elyoo, Machoo, Ian Ken, Alex, Bea, Aligs,

Bujoy, Me-an, Patrick, Cha, Anna, Nanan, & yours truly Ü

Mary's Immaculate Conception

Miryam's Sabbath
adapted by Ann Johnson
from the book Miryam of Judah

Listen,
the shofar sounds
from the city signal the sound of the first
call.
Awake yourselves,
the day of difference is at hand.
Ignite your heart,
The shofar beckons.
The work of six days is ended.
The sabbath approaches.
Come, quickly, come.
Rest begins.

Clutching one another,
we still our minds.

How fair are your tents, O Jacob,
your dwelling place, O Israel.
Let my prayer come before you, Lord,
Hearken to me.
God, in your kindness,
answer me in truth.
(The stones are slippery
but my feet step with firmness.
The slippery stones bruise me
and I still walk secure.)

My arms ache from the weight of him,
it was just for a moment's time.
They left me alone,
holding him there,
alone for one kind moment,
his body resting, finally resting
heavy on my knees,
strange, bewildering shalom,
but time was short... the sun on its
downward course.

I watched them wrap him tenderly,
entwining his body in clean linen,
swaddled as I once swaddled his infant frame,
enwrapped as he daily wrapped himself in his shawl
of prayer,
from heaven to earth... from earth to
heaven...
born and born and born again,
light of God wrapped in flicking mystery.

They worked quickly,
wiping him only,
leaving washing till after,
closing his eyes... dabbing with myrrh,
sweet-oil soothing his brow,
the work as much as a gift for them as for
him.
God's law is kind and caring.

We didn't speak aloud,
hushed the simple prayer and blessings
soft-whispered phrases plaintive on the wind,
resonant the ancient melodies,
barely audible the sighs.
His head cradled in the resting stone,
I covered his face with a linen cloth.

I sat on the ledge beside him,
sharing his newly hewn stone,
solid stone, beneath us both.
The world stopped... finally peaceful,
scent of fresh linen and sweet-oil
overcoming the scent of wood
and nails and blood and thornspray,
sound of silence
drowning the tumult of the day.

Thought by thought I let it go,
step by step I put questioning behind me.
Nearing the Mount of Olives pool,
releasing each haunting memory,
I prepare my mind for God.

Task Force Noah

It's been a while since I last posted my thoughts on this blog. What's been keeping me? Fear of intimacy, I think. (Grabe, hanggang sa blog, takot pa rin magbukas ng sarili... Tsk. Issues.)

I've been reading some of my friends' blogs that have been filled with stories about their activities during the long weekend due to the suspension of classes. I couldn't help but notice how the past week's calamity had little impact on them for them to have had time to go out for some RnR, not that I have anything against having a good time with my friends nor am I bitter because I didn't go out & enjoyed myself in the sense that they did.

I'm just disappointed that the people I would expect to be volunteering to help the typhoon victims weren't there. I'm not condemning them for that nor am I being self-righteous about me being there. It was actually my first time to help out in relief operations. I guess I wanted to share the experience with them, they whom I always looked up to with all their passion for service.

Though the sky has cleared & the temperature's beginning to rise up again, there are still people out there with nothing left but the clothes on their skin when they left their homes to take shelter from the floods. As I watched the news during the days when the storm was at its fiercest, I couldn't help but see the despair that filled the eyes of the families that were stripped off of their homes in an instant. I could almost hear their thoughts asking, "What now? We have nothing left." The children, most of all, were the ones that concerned me the most. What will become of their futures now? As I sat in front of the TV that Thursday night, with the wind howling outside, I decided that I would do my part.

There's this saying that goes, "Everyone is called but few are chosen." But there is something lacking in this statement: the choice to answer to the call. I was definitely called. In philosophy class, we talked about metaphysical unease. I think that was it. I just HAD to get off my ass & do something.

Today, I woke up with different parts of my body aching from all the work that was done for two days. I barely had time to take pictures as remembrances of my experience in Task Force Noah but the memories will always remain alive in me. I take a little comfort in knowing that somewhere, a family is opening up a plastic bag full of goods that I helped pack that would provide them with warm stomachs & a little more hope.

It was all worth it.

Current Obssession

Happy 99th Birthday!Ü

Countdown

Langoy at Laro sa Laguna

Thanks to everyone!!!Ü

Kuteng

Sugar

Chuchuy

Lota

MM (pero baka magkasakit ka)

Jon-jon

Pao-pao

Ron-ron [Blue Turtle]

Ulpok

Popoy [Ninja Turtle]

Jeff

Joy

15 October 2004, 10:05 AM

TAPOS NA...

...or is it?

Why Do I Love Him?

Taken from: http://peyups.com/article.khtml?sid=3784

Love Stories : Why Do I Love Him?
Contributed by babyanne (Edited by blue_kuko)
Thursday, September 23, 2004 @ 10:48:31 PM

Why do I love him?

Tough question. I don't even know how or where to begin. I'm not sure if I could possibly find the right words to express what or how much I feel for him, let alone explain why I love him. I don't believe the English language has all the words I would need.

Why do I love him?

I guess I just do. I love him just because. I love him just because that's the most natural and possible thing to do.

I love him.

I love him because he's the most incredible, wonderful, amazing and fantastic guy I have ever known in my entire life. I love him because he's sweet, charming, smart, witty, and has a great sense of humor. I love him because he's so cool he's hot.

I love him because he makes me smile. I love him because he makes me laugh. I love him because he makes me happy. I love him because he's the one and only guy who has ever made it through my wall and seen right through my mask. I love him because he accepts the real me, imperfections and all, and still appreciates me for who I am.

I love him for being my friend. I love him because I could be whatever I want to be in front of him. I love him because we could talk about anything and everything under the sun.

I love him because I feel safe when I am with him. I love him because we are comfortable with each other. I love him for giving me a helping hand when I had to pick myself up, but couldn't. I love him for offering his shoulder for me to lean on to when I had to be strong, but wasn't.

I love him for telling me not to drink too much alcohol, then pretending to be mad at me when I did drink too much. I love him for telling me not to stay up too late at night because it wasn't good for my health. I love him for texting and sending me sweet and mushy messages. I love him for those times when he would call or text me just when I was thinking of calling or texting him, when I was feeling down, or when I was missing him, like he has gone psychic all of a sudden.

I love him for the kilig moments we had. I love him for always making me feel better, about myself and life in general. I love him for making me feel special. I love him for making me feel loved. But most of all, I love him for making me feel. I love him for making me realize that I am capable of feeling this way and this much for someone. I love him for making me feel alive.

So, why do I love him?

I love him because he's all of these and more. So much more. I love him because he's everything. He's everything...but mine.

Facing the Truth

Benta naman nitong quiz. Downloading massive amounts of porn daw ako. Must have mistaken me for someone else (you guys know who I'm talking about). Quiet & shy raw. Sa crush ko pa siguro shy ako, pero never quiet. hahaha Pero shet. Purpose in life is searching for the truth. If only Sir Maochi can see this. hahaha Speaking of Philo, I hope our test on Monday would be easy, or at least manageable. Got to redeem myself from that stupid mistake I made in the 1st exam.

Hagulgol

'Di ko nais ang makalimutan ka.
Alam kong naiintindihan mo ako.
'Di ko inakalang ganoon ka pala naaapektuhan sa nangyayari sa atin.
Pasensya na. Pasensya na. Pasensya na.

H'wag ka nang malungkot, mahal.
'Di kaya ng puso ko'ng marinig ang iyong mga hikbi.
Sana mahimbing ang iyong pagkakahimlay ngayong gabi.
Ako'y nasa iyong tabi, kahit sa panaginip lamang.

Panatag ang aking loob na magiging mabuti ang lahat para sa ating dalawa.
Tahan na, mahal ko. H'wag ka nang mangamba.
Kaya natin ito. Nakayanan na natin dati, 'di ba?
Mag-iingat ka lagi, mahal. Lagi kitang ipinagdarasal.

Sa bilang ng tatlo tayo magtatapos. Hanggang dito na lang.
Isa...
Dalawa...
Tatlo.

.

Foxy Lady

You are the fox.

Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla

Small Talk

A question
An answer
Another question
A nod
A shrug

S
I
L
E
N
C
E
...

A sigh.

Words
Emotions
Left hanging on a cloud of rain.


Mayakap lamang kita, masasabi ko na ang lahat.

Mediocrity

I've been busting my ass to make up for the F's I've been collecting this semester, but somehow, my best just isn't good enough. It's like everything I do is half-baked. I feel so mediocre. Ever since I got into college, I've been feeling like this. Everything I do seems to not work for me. Yes, I know grades aren't everything... But come on. With all the effort I'm giving, this is ALL I get afterwards?!? Somehow the finished product undermines the satisfaction I get for having prepared well. I really hate this.

I'm not happy anymore.

Unicorn

You are Form 3, Unicorn: The Innocent.

"And The Unicorn knew she wasn't meant to go into the Dark Wood. Disregarding the advice given to her by the spirits, Unicorn went inside and bled silver blood.. For her misdeed, the world knew evil."

Some examples of the Unicorn Form are Eve (Christian) and Pandora (Greek). The Unicorn is associated with the concept of innocence, the number 3, and the element of water. Her sign is the twilight sun.

As a member of Form 3, you are a curious individual. You are drawn to new things and become fascinated with ideas you've never come in contact with before. Some people may say you are too nosey, but it's only because you like getting to the bottom of things and solving them. Unicorns are the best friends to have because they are inquisitive.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Lost Soul

The Lost Soul


What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Seasonal

You're a Spring. You usually are very close-knit with your friends & value everyone freidnship you have. You're a real people person & everyone loves how friendly you are. You're good with encouraging people but usually don't like to be the center of attention. You are a social butterfly & probably are in several circles of friends but it's just because you're well liked & you make people comfortable. You're both fun & wise but you are very realistic about life.


What season are you? (pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

A Quotation

It was all a dream, nothing more.

-- Aragorn to Arwen from 'LOTR: The Two Towers'

Pure Daw?

Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure Angels always appear when a child is born, when a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold wings. Pure angels are the carriers of God, & show their love to everyone in the world.


What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

Another Question

This is the 3rd question I've posted on this blog. The 1st one was the one a lot of people commented on (which I don't wanna bring up again. hehe), & the last one was 'What is the center of your life?'. Here's another question asked by my Philosophy teacher:

When was the last time you

truly felt that you existed?

A kid in my first area in San Mateo died yesterday. His name was Elmer. He was only 11 years old.

Translation: Death exists. I am alive. I am mortal.

This should make me feel that I exist... but how come I don't?

I need to get my head checked.

Ako, Ikaw -- Sa Pasko

Nag-aalala ako sa 'yo, mahal ko.

Sobra ka na ba'ng nagpapakalunod sa ginagawa mo?

Sana hindi mo tinatakasan ang katotohanang kailangan nating harapin.

Ako, aaminin ko, hindi ko na alam ang ginagawa ko. Parang walang nangyayari. Pero pakiramdam ko na AKO ang walang ginagawa.

AKO na nagpasimuno ng lahat ng ito.

AKO na may kasalanan sa lahat ng paghihirap natin ngayon.

Ang daming beses na'ng nagdaan na gusto ko nang bumigay, na gusto ko nang sumuko dahil sa hirap at sakit na nararanasan ko.Pero tuwing nangyayari ito, pumapasok ka lagi sa isip ko.

IKAW na sumama sa akin.

IKAW na pinagbigyan ako.

IKAW na naghihirap din ngayon at nagtitiis.

Dahil dito, nagsisilbi kang inspirasyon para sa akin na kayanin ito.

Sana Pasko na...


Salamat sa mapang-unawa at mapagbigay mong puso.

Moonlight Moments

Moonlight hugs
Moonlight kisses
Moonlight serenades
Moonlight slow-dances
Moonlight strolls
Moonlight glances
Moonlight nights
Moonlight eyes
Moonlight hellos
Moonlight goodbyes

Happy MM Anniversary Ü

Exactly a year ago today, I cried over someone I was beginning to like.

Shortly after that, I realized how stupid I was to even think that that person was "crushable."

You might be wondering why I would still remember this incident when it was stupid anyway.

Well, it wasn't the person I cried for that I remembered, nor was it because I was stupid.

I remembered because

somebody skipped lunch that day

just to comfort me.Ü

And the place we went to was to be remembered as "the scene of the crime." Ü

Anyway... Going back to reality...

I got this quotation from the ACIL Logbook from 2 years ago: "Love is permanent, especially when it is genuine love."

It kind of answered my question of whether it is possible to stop loving someone or not. If we're talking about genuine love, then NO, it's quite impossible. But if we're talking about being IN love, then yes, HOPEFULLY, 'loving' can stop.

It gives me comfort to know that I can come home to you.

Of Moonbeams & Dreams

You are the Moon card. Entering the Moon we enter the intuitive and psychic realms. This is the stuff dreams are made on. And like dreams the imagery we find here may inspire us or torment us. Understanding the moon requires looking within. Our own bodily rhythms are echoed in this luminary that circles the earth every month and reflects the sun in its progress. Listening to those rhythms may produce visions and lead you towards insight. The Moon is a force that has legends attached to it. It carries with it both romance and insanity. Moonlight reveals itself as an illusion and it is only those willing to work with the force of dreams that are able to withstand this reflective light. Image from: Stevee Postman. http://www.stevee.com/

Which Tarot Card Are You?
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Another Test [I'm Bored, Obviously]

Myers Briggs Test Results

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Free Myers-Briggs Word Choice Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Extroverted (E) 100% Introverted (I) 0%

Intuitive (N) 100% Sensing (S) 0%

Feeling (F) 83.33% Thinking (T) 16.67%

Perceiving (P) 83.33% Judging (J) 16.67%

Split Brain

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (52%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (50%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?(word test)
personality tests by similarminds.com

Left brain dominant individuals are more literal, articulate, and to the point. They are good at understanding directions and anything that is explicit and logical. They can have trouble comprehending emotions and abstract concepts, they can feel lost when things are not clear, doubting anything that is not stated and proven.

Right brain dominant individuals are more visual and intuitive. They are better at summarizing multiple points, picking up on what's not said, visualizing things, and making things up. They can lack attention to detail, directness, and the ability to explain their ideas verbally, leaving them unable to communicate effectively.

Overall you appear to have farely Equal Hemispheres

*Left/right functions are measured separately so they usually won't add up to 100%
-----------------------------------------
The ideal is to develop both your left and right brain. Many people identify their personality with being more right or left brained. "I am just not verbal" or "I just don't like art". The right and left brain are just functions to be utilized, they are not who you are. You are the manager, coach, architect, developer of your functions. No matter how developed one side of your mind is, if you have deficiencies in the other you will be functionally crippled. Right brain deficiencies inhibit your comprehension of life - who you are, where you stand, what's the point. Left brain deficiencies will inhibit your ability to express yourself verbally to others, leaving you mute to the world.

An Excerpt

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
distant & full of sorrow as though you had died.
One word then, one smile, is enough.
And I am happy, happy that it's not true.

-- from Pablo Neruda's 'XV I Like For You To Be Still'

Restlessly Calm

You have a Calm Soul! Being calm and cool is what you do best. You collected thoughts and always positive attitude make you very bright and logical. When theres a problem, you know how to approach it, and solve it. Your friends rely on you on their problems, and your shoulder for their crying. You are peaceful, and enjoy nature and freedom. You rarely get angry and hardly scream, which makes you good with kids. You seem to be in tune with the world and if anything goes wrong, you always bounce back.

What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

Redundance

WALANG PASOK!!!

Yeah. Strike two. This morning though, I had gotten up from bed & got all dressed up & even gotten out of the house. I got as far as the LRT's Betty Go-Belmonte station when I received Karla's (THANKS!!!Ü) message that classes were suspended. That was around 7am already. I had to confirm first if the school had just announced it & when she said yes, I got off at the next station in Cubao & took the train going back to Legarda. I got back at 8am & "celebrated" by watching Laws of Attraction on DVD.

Yesterday I didn't get all dressed up for school because I had gotten up late from bed & I already had an inkling that classes were gonna get suspended because of the weather. The rain had started pouring at 3am yesterday (I was awake) & when I woke up at 530am, it was still pouring. I got as far as brushing my teeth yesterday. When I went out of my room, I checked outside to see if the streets were flooded. True enough, our street was flooded. So I just told my parents that I won't be going to school anymore. Went back to bed & slept until TJ texted me the official announcement that classes were suspended from 930am onwards. I guess it was a good call for me because my Wednesday starts at 930am (I miss Father Dacanay already. hehe).

So, what else have I done today? NOTHING. I planned to finish my Theology readings for our weekly Friday quiz (that's tomorrow) after watching the movie but when I plopped myself on my bed, my eyes got heavy & I just allowed myself to sleep. And I just slept.

It's almost 130pm now & our lunch hasn't arrived yet. Mom's gonna come home soon with food from the store. It's worth the wait that's why I'm still waiting. heheÜ

Ok. I think I should go back upstairs to my room & do some real studying.

Tumpak Balakubak!

cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed


What Sign of Affection Are You?
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Another Pablo Neruda *sigh*

Which poem are you? Sonnet 17 by Pablo Neruda Aw, you're a romantic. You believe in true love and all that sort of stuff. How cute are you? To you, love is incredible and amazing.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I do not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

[Un]Lucky Thirteen

Thirteen random things you like:
1. cloudy & windy days (with no rain)
2. rainy days (while in the car or indoors)
3. laughing out loud
4. catching a good movie/show on TV
5. thoughtfulness of friends
6. shopping & giving gifts for friends
7. sleeping in
8. free cuts
9. hearing a good song on the radio
10. hearing from old friends
11. buying books (yes, even textbooks)
12. talking to friends
13. helping people with their probelms

Twelve good movies:
1. My Best Friend's Wedding
2. City of Angels
3. Dead Poets Society
4. Now & Then
5. Matilda
6. Serendipity
7. On The Other Side Of Heaven
8. Finding Nemo
9. Sabrina
10. Finding Forrester
11. Mona Lisa Smile
12. Patch Adams

Eleven good bands or artists:
1. Nyoy Volante & The Mannos
2. Side A
3. Maroon 5
4. Hangad
5. Kinema
6. Caedmon's Call
7. Norah Jones
8. Alicia Keys
9. Michael Buble
10. John Mayer
11. Plumb

Ten things about me:
1. moody
2. witty
3. expressive
4. talkative
5. perverted ;p
6. flirt
7. manipulative
8. faithful
9. romantic
10. crybaby

Nine good friends:
1. Bea Siojo
2. Bea Totanes
3. TJ San Jose
4. Machoo Dy
5. Rachel Sanchez
6. Nono Levosada
7. Cha Villaluz
8. Kat Aristorenas
9. Ryan Teehankee

Eight favorite food / drinks:
1. chicken
2. ice cream
3. chocolate popsicles
4. mushroom soup
5. white chocolate
6. Twix
7. blueberry danish from French Baker
8. ICED TEA!!!Ü

Seven songs you could relate to:
1. Kahit Ika'y Panaginip Lang - Nyoy Volante
2. Set You Free - Side A
3. Hopelessly Addicted - The Corrs
4. When You Know - Shawn Colvin
5. Waiting In Vain - Annie Lennox
6. The Nearness Of You - Norah Jones
7. Sukob Na - 17/28

Six things[people] that[who] annoy me:
1. know-it-alls
2. overly anal personalities
3. smell of durian
4. spitting on the street
5. rudeness
6. wet socks on rainy days

Five things I touch everyday:
1. mobile phone
2. hair brush
3. tooth brush
4. eyeglasses
5. pillows

Four shows I watch:
1. Amazing Race
2. Whose Line Is It Anyway?
3. Will & Grace
4. The Simpsons

Three celebrities I have a crush on:
1. Piolo Pascual
2. Jericho Rosales
3. Luke Wilson

Two people I have kissed:
1. Chris
2. ....

One person I can spend my whole life with:
....


Dream on.

I'm Hungry. Where's Lunch?

WALANG PASOK!!!

What a relief. Not been getting enough sleep these past few weeks.

Had my Theo orals last night at 6pm. I think I aced it. (crossing my fingers) Father Dacanay asked me 2 follow-up questions & I think I was able to answer them to his satisfaction because he nodded after I gave him my answers. I actually almost panicked when he asked me his first question. I was surprised that he suddenly spoke because he didn't say anything during my first orals with him. I tried to clarify what exactly he was asking but he just gave me a blank stare. I just took a chance that his silence meant "yes" so I went on to answer what I thought he was asking for & I think I hit the right spot. (Whew!)

It was a good thing Jay was in school yesterday. I had asked for a "pre-orals" with him so I could make sure that I remembered all the things I prepared for. We actually didn't get to finish all the thesis statements (there were 5) but the thesis statement I got was one of those I was able to "practice". I owe you, Jay!!!Ü

Now I'm off to do other things for my major subjects. I'm not so enthusiastic about my majors this semester, by the way. Ugh.

I wish you were here...

Guilty as Charged

Copy & paste this to your blog and bold the stuff you're guilty of. Tsktsk.

01. When I was younger, I made bad decisions.
02. I don't watch much TV these days.
03. I love olives.
04. I love sleeping.
05. I own lots of books.
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
07. I love to play video games.
08. I've tried marijuana.
09. I've watched a porn movie.
10. I have been in a threesome.
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
13. I have acne-free skin.
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
15. I curse frequently.
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
17. I have a hobby.
18. I've been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
20. I'm really, really smart.
21. I've never broken someone's bones.
22. I have a secret that I dont want people to know.
23. I hate the rain.
24. I'm paranoid at times.
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
26. I need money right now.
27. I love Sushi.
28. I talk really, really fast.
29. I have fresh breath in the morning.
30. I have long thick hair.
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister.
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I have a twin.
35. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyes in the past.
36. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look.
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
40. I know how to cornrow.
41. I am usually pessimistic.
42. I have a lot of mood swings.
44. I think Britney Spears is hot.
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past.
46. I have a hidden talent.
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
48. I think that I'm popular.
49. I am currently single.
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex. *accidentally!!!Ü
51. I enjoy talking on the phone.
52. I practically live in sweatpants.
53. I love to shop.
54. I would rather shop than eat.
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
57. I'm obsessed with my blog.
58. I don't hate anyone. I dislike them.
59. I'm a DAMN good dancer.
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
62. I have a cell phone.
63. I believe in God.
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
66. I love drama.
67. I have never been in a real relationship before.
68. I've rejected someone before.
69. I currently have a crush on someone.
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
71. I want to have children in the future.
72. I have changed a diaper before.
73. I've called the cops on a friend before.
74. I bite my nails.
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
76. I'm not allergic to anything.
77. I have a lot to learn.
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex.
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
82. i have at least 5 away messages saved.
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs at a party.
84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
85. I own the "South Park" movie.
86. I have avoided assignments at work to blog. *i'm so guilty... :p
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
88. I enjoy country music.
89. I would die for my best friends.
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all (his music).
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I love it.
98. I have dated a close friend's ex.
99. I'm happy and joyful as of this moment.

For Joyce

Joycie... *HuG*

You know, the best advice that was given to me about being lost is to always go home to God. I don't wanna burst your bubble but even when the people we love cannot or don't seem to want to help us, it is only He that is always there to guide us welcome us back to Him (mala-Prodigal Son). We just have to offer all our hurts & burdens to Him & trust that He is always with us -- that we are never alone.

And you know who gave me this advice?

The one that I love.Ü

And never has this advice failed me. (Ginagawa ko s'ya ngayon, actually.Ü)

Tama si Chris, love will find a way to heal. Lalo na kapag humingi tayo ng tulong sa Kanya.

I'm always praying for you, Joyce.


P.S. Advertise ko lang ulit. Take Fr. Dacanay for your Theo 131 next year, ok?Ü hehe

Salamat sa 'yo, mahal ko, nasaan ka man ngayon...

Lost Sheep

Question of the day:

What is the center of your life?

Tears brimmed my eyes after this was asked by my Philosophy teacher. I was ashamed of myself. I know what my answer SHOULD BE, but for some reason, I do not feel that I am worthy to say so. I am guilty of keeping myself away from You.

Wait for me. I'm coming home to You.

You're the greatest love the world has ever known
A love that never ceases to embrace a weary heart
And give a brand new start
Provides light where the sun has never shown
And now I understand that I am here
Because of Your love

-- The Prodigal Son's Lullaby by Nyoy Volante

Sweet Sixteen

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while adults might just accept that, I know something's gotta change. And it's gonna change, just as soon as I become an adult and get some power of my own.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thanks again to Nicolo.Ü Mas "mature" ako sa 'yo. Parang aktibista pa ang dating ko. hehehe

Eighteen more weeks to go...

God(dess) of DREAMS [How Apt]

MORPHEUS

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

My credits to Mr. Nicolo Ludovice's blog for the link to this quiz.Ü

The Answer

Grabe. Hindi ko akalaing maraming matatamaan sa previous post ko. Salamat sa mga nag-comment.Ü

So, ano nga ba ang sagot sa tanong?

Well, tama si Michee. Parehong masakit.

BUT!

I'd have to say, mas mahirap ang MANG-IWAN.

Bakit?

Let's look at it from both sides.

Kapag naiwanan ka, masakit. There's no doubt about it. Syempre ayaw mong mawala 'yung tao, pero ayaw na nga n'ya, tulad nga ng sabi ni Michee.

Kapag nang-iwan ka naman, masakit din. But, in terms of coping, mas mahirap. Bakit? Kasi, may desisyon kang kailangang panindigan. Lalo na kung ayaw mo talagang pakawalan 'yung tao, pero alam mong it's for the best of the both of you kaya mo s'ya iniwan.

Kumbaga, 'pag naiwan ka, puro puso, kasi masakit. 'Pag nang-iwan ka, may puso na, pati utak mo ginugulo ka pa.

But I'm not saying I'm right. It's just how I understand it from what I experienced.

It's all relative.

Kumusta ka na?

A Question Answered

Matagal ko nang tinatanong at gustong malaman kung ano ba talaga ang mas masakit:

MANG-IWAN o MAIWANAN?

Lagi na lang kasi akong naiiwan. Curious lang ako kung ano ba ang pagkakaiba. Gusto kong malaman kung anong pakiramdam ng mang-iwan.

At dahil sa 'yo, ngayon alam ko na.

Sana alam mo kung gaano ako nagpapasalamat sa 'yo.

Sana alam mo...

[Too Hungry To Think Of Title]

Alam mo kaya
Na nasasaktan ako
Kapag nakikita ko kayong
Magkasama?

Alam mo kaya
Na 'di ko alam
Kung paano ako
Kikilos tuwing
Kasama kita?

Bakit kamo?
H'wag na nating pag-usapan.
Pero ang 'di ko maintindihan
Ba't 'di ko nalaman?


Tonight you calm my restlessness... You relieve my sadness...

Timang

'Di na naman ako nakapagpigil. Bumigay na naman ako. Hay nako. Kailan ba ako matututo? At first, I thought things would go smoothly. No intense feelings or emotions. Pero nung sabi n'ya: "I hope ur ok." Wala na. Bumigay na ako. Bigla na lang akong naiyak sa sinabi nyang yun. Bakit? Kasi hindi ako ok. Hindi lang naman dahil sa kanya, dahil din sa maraming bagay (refer to previous post). E bakit ako naiyak na parang timang? Hay.

Kailangan pa ba'ng i-memorize 'yan?!?

Kailangan kita...

Dala ng Hormones at Pag-iinarte

'Di ko maintindihan. Bakit ba ganito ang nararamdaman ko para sa 'yo? Wala naman ako sa 'yo. Kaibigan LANG. Well, sige, aaminin ko, AKALA ko kasi... Hay. Ang hirap talagang sabihin. Basta, AKALA ko lang talaga.. kasi naman, lagi kang sumasama sa akin. Well, noon 'yun. Marahil tama 'yung naisip ko dati na baka kaya ka dikit nang dikit sa 'kin ay dahil sa wala kang ibang makasama. Parang security blanket.. comfort zone.. natatanging tao na malapit sa 'yo na pwede mong makasama dahil 'yung mga malapit sa 'yo, nagsialisan na. Tama nga siguro ako. Kasi naman, bakit ko pa in-entertain 'yung idea? Ang gaga ko talaga. As if naman kasi.

Pero hindi pa rin excuse yun para masaktan ako. Feeling ko, masyado lang akong lonely kaya nagiging bitter ako. Ipinagdarasal ko na lang na alam nila ang ginagawa nila at mawala na itong nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.

Feeling ko pa may mga bagay akong 'di nalalaman. Hindi 'yung mga bagay na walang kinalaman sa akin. Syempre naman, ano namang pakialam ko r'on, 'di ba? Pero 'yung feeling na may tinatago sa 'yo for some reason. Makikita mong dalawang tao na nag-uusap. Makikita kang palapit, biglang tatahimik o ititigil ang pinag-uusapan tapos 'pag malapit ka na, bigla kang kukumustahin. Ok, tell me, praning ba ako? Malamang hindi ako 'yung pinag-uusapan nila. Hay. Ewan. Masyado lang akong madrama.

Mayroon di namang mga pagkakataon na nasasaktan ako dahil parang hindi ko na makausap ang mga kaibigan ko. May sarili na silang mundo. Ang pakiramdam ko pa kapag gusto kong makisali sa kanila, tila ba'ng isa akong dakilang ekstra. Ultimong kumain sa labas parang hindi ako pwedeng sumama. Feeling ko tuloy ang kapal ng mukha ko para imbitahin ang sarili ko. Nagmukha akong gaga.

Tapos nung isang araw, ako ang nagyaya kumain sa labas. At iniwan ako. Hindi man lang ako hinintay. Tapos yung isa kong inimbita, na hindi dapat kakain sa labas dahil nakakain na raw sya, biglang kumain sa labas at hindi rin ako hinintay. Pasalamat na lang silang lahat at umulan nang malakas pagkatapos ng Misa. At least I had a more reasonable excuse not to go out of the campus, at hindi lang dahil sa nagtatampo ako sa kanilang lahat. Umiyak (na naman) ako sa ACIL Room. Dalawa lang kaming tao noon sa room at nag-aaral pa 'yung kasama ko kaya hindi nya napansin. After a few "mukmok" moments, dumating 'yung isang taong niyaya ko na 'di na raw kakain. Tinanong lang n'ya kung ok lang ako pero hindi na lang ako tumingila sa pagkayuko ko sa mesa. And as usual, kumain na lang ako sa caf at nakipag-meeting sa Psy groupmates ko.

At hanggang ngayon, di pa rin ako kumakain sa KFC.

Ang profound ng problema ko, grabe. [oozing with sarcasm]

Speaking of figures of speech, I am currently in an ironic state: Member Relations head ako, pero hindi na ako maka-relate sa mga members.

Pero nung late afternoon, habang nagre-review ako para sa Theo orals ko, pumasok si TJ (my blockmate) & si Bea (high school friend) sa ACIL Room. Nakita kasi nila ako through the glass on the door. And I was so happy to see them. Gusto kong umiyak sa tuwa. Katatapos ko lang kasing mag-emote noon at bigla silang pumasok. It was like an answered prayer. I realized how much I missed their company. Wala na kasi kaming class ni TJ together tapos si Bea ngayon ko lang naging kaklase pero we don't get to spend time with each other pa rin. Hindi na lang ako nagdrama & I just enjoyed the few minutes they stayed with me. Oh, and the reviewer that I was using for the orals came from TJ. He gave them to me after his orals the day before. Hay. The sweet things your friends do.

At syempre... ang source ng aking "deep sorrow" (to quote Ms. Christine Mallion)... hirap na hirap akong akuin. Alam kong kasama ko Siya, even with my "KFC problem" (Tama, that's what I'll call it. hehe). Two weeks na tomorrow. Tatagal pa ba ako? Nag-forward ako ng 2 emails sa kanya. Counted na ba 'yun? Ewan. Basta miss ko na siya...

Sabi kagabi sa CMO Prayer Workshop, ang consolation in prayer, hindi necessarily equivalent to a happy feeling. Minsan, sobrang sakit, sobrang hirap ng feeling, but if it is for the good or if it has a high value, then it is also consolation.

Hay. Sorry Lord. Nahihirapan talaga akong makuntento sa presence Mo lang. Dati nagawa ko na, 'di ba? Tapos binigay N'yo siya sa akin. Tapos wala na naman. Back to zero. Siguro kasi I didn't really learn my lesson. Please, grant me the grace to be content with Your presence & love. Para rin hindi ko na saktan ang sarili ko at lalo na ang mga taong nasa paligid ko dahil sa pag-iinarte ko.

Napadasal ako bigla. Hay. Amen.


Kahit na 'di na gumising pa, h'wag lang malayo sa piling mo... Iniibig kahit ika'y PANAGINIP lang...

I Miss My Rufus

I Miss My Dory

Dominance

You have a dominant kiss- you take charge and make
sure your partner can feel it! Done artfully,
it can be very satisfactory if he/she is into
you playing the dominant role MEORW!

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Hay nako. Ms. Joyce Guerrero, ang galing mo talaga.Ü


I'm drowning in my tears...

Spilled Ink

Wow. It's been a while since I spilled my thoughts here. Where have I been? I'm not sure either...

Anyway, here's a picture of the ACIL Council from last July 4, Sunday, after the Basic Orientation Seminar. We're not complete in this picture, but hey, I'm thankful for these guys who made everything wonderful with their talents, effort, time & enthusiasm. I love you guys!!!Ü

The end is finally coming.

I am a PSY-chick (pun definitely intended Ü)

You are Psychic!


What's Your Magic Power?
brought to you by Quizilla


My credits to Ms. Joyce Guerrero's blog for providing me with the link for this quiz.Ü


The inevitable doesn't scare me. It's the waiting that does.

On Freud's Chair (An Independence Day Rant)

I admit that I have a bit of discrimination against obssessive-compulsive people. I think it's because I am normally not & it just irritates me how tight-assed people can get to the point when you become impractical & narrow-minded.

But lo & behold, after taking a big responsibility in our org, I noticed that the way I work & think is very much the thing I discriminate against. Probably not the impractical & narrow-minded part. I might even be too practical & open-minded that I won't keep still until the plan is fool-proof.

It got me thinking why I suddenly came to be like this. It's probably because this is the biggest responsibility I've ever taken in my life. I'm afraid of letting people & myself down on my first real "job". I guess the presence of a lot of OCs in our org also added to my anxiety while planning stuff. (Yeah, sure, blame it on the others. heheÜ)

Moving on, I was out with two of my high school friends last Thursday. For the most part, we walked around the mall just window shopping (because we didn't have much cash). Before we started all the walking, we had lunch & during that time, I had brought up the fact that I am a purposeful shopper, meaning, when I go to the mall, it's because I need to buy something & I already know what I'm going to buy. Still, we did the whole window shopping thing & I wasn't exactly too happy about it. One, because my feet hurt from all the slow-paced walking we did without ever buying anything to at least compensate for the pain, & two, because we didn't really get to catch up much because we were moving around. When we did finally get to sit down, I was too tired to talk. But hey, I did enjoy my brownie fudge Ice Monster!Ü (Yum! I want another one tomorrow!Ü)

In all honesty, I can't really say that I didn't enjoy my time with them. I mean, not hanging out with them for a year (or more than that, I can't remember) really made me miss their company a lot. Where else can you find friends with whom you can be yourself & change over time & still accept you & love you the same way? But you know, despite the childish complaining I did, I'm still so glad I got to be with them that day (I almost didn't). I really needed the break. I guess the three of us did. Being with them was like coming home...


Hinahanap-hanap kita Manila, ang ingay mong kay sarap sa tenga... -- Hotdog

Night Cap

It feels so weird not having you around. It's not as if I had lived any differently now than I did before you came. I guess it just sucks how I'd have to go back to living that kind of life.

What sucks the most is having to go back to not being able to exude the day's dirts & rainbows before tucking myself in at night. I really miss ending the day with a smile on my face & with a lot more peace within myself.


I'm so tired of being alone, so hurry up & get here. -- John Mayer

One Down, A Lot More To Go

Got my schedule for the semester. Lucky me, I got all the classes I wanted. I just hope I made the right choices.

That's one anxiety level down!Ü

The trip to Zambales was fun. Although there were parts of it that I didn't like or complained (a lot) about, I wouldn't mind doing it all over again. That's the truth.Ü

Org Tours is coming up. After that, Org Awareness Week, Colayco Afternoons Launch, Recruitment Week, Basic Orientation Seminar... the list goes on. But I might go out with 2 of my high school friends on the 11th. I need to breathe before the semester starts. I just hope that we do get to go out. I miss them a lot.


I'm lost. And I think I know just what I need -- REFOCUSING.

Me Against The World

Natututo na akong magkakanser. Natututo na akong magtimpi at kumimkim ng nararamdaman. Pero hindi ako masaya. Hinding-hindi.

I don't blame anyone for whatever I'm feeling. Duh... I made myself feel like this. Freewill, brothah.

I just noticed that I get pissed off more easily than before & that I've gotten colder toward people who have crossed me. I easily forgive but now, for whatever reason, I don't.

I'm almost always in the brink of breaking in tears. I'm feeling stressed, anxious, tired, & bitter. No wonder I'm getting old so fast.

I know that there are a lot of things to be happy about. Don't you just hate how stress & loneliness gobble happiness up almost instantly?

Damned weather. Damned hormones.


You can't get to know better days unless you make it through the night. -- Dianne Reeves